Millennials- Cold Brew Basic Bi*ches. 

Seems legit.

I’ve been seeing more and more articles discussing millennials. Almost as if they’re not for my eyes, they’re for the baby boomers. Their sole purpose seemingly an alarming call to arms- they’re spoilt, self-centred, narcissistic, entitled kids, who refuse to invest in the economy, and are the ruin and downfall of society. Oh and they’re obsessed with a certain shade of pink. Wow. Excuse me while I ignore this information and post another selfie and work on my reality TV career.

What is a ‘millennial’?


The term is often enthusiastically thrown around media outlets. Most use it as a term describing those born between the early 80s and the early 00s. Twenty years of birthdays. So technically, it is describing people from the age 17-37. You’ll have to double check my maths here as, sadly I was raised in an easy childhood where GCSE’s were dumbed down astoundingly in comparison to O-Levels in the 60s. 

Sarcasm is probably another one of my selfish traits honed from years of laziness and a lack of compassion for society.

So essentially, a person who is still in school, dealing with the ordeals of snapchat filter choices and first kisses, is painted with the same brush as a 37 year old person dealing with childcare issues and tax returns.  Seems legit.
As you might be able to tell from my ill-revised long sentences, I’m irate. I’m feeling hypocritical. I’m sick of being blamed for the economy and lack of interest in important subjects. Mainly I’m sick of being labelled like reduced meat at the supermarket. 
Here’s the hypocrisy- I want to blame the baby-boomers on behalf of my co-millennial generation. Generation Y. Generation why.

So why am I annoyed by this? I decided to address some of the points which were prominent in the media, to see if we really were that entitled and self-obsessed.

Golden pineapples.

Apparently, we are a generation obsessed with gold pineapples. How dare y… oh yes I do have a small gold pineapple candle on my mantelpiece. Right ok, touché. We’re obsessed with cold brew coffee and avocado everything… yes I have indeed got a jug of overnight cold brew coffee sitting in the fridge, perched next to 2 ripe avocados. It’s not looking good for me is it?

Let’s go back to the pineapples. I read once, that millennials are buying these, along with fairy lights and flamingo themed items because we are ‘generation rent’. Marvellous, another label for us. This time, I will accept the label. These items bring a sense of fun, creativity and ironically, an expensive feel to our rented flats and apartments. 

House prices give me that fun ‘oh sh*t I’m a failure and will never be a successful adult and where’s the gin and omg I just want to crawl into a cupboard and stay there forever’ kinda feeling. I am somehow expected to save for a deposit, while spending over half my paycheque on rent every month? Seems legit.

We also love a good DIY– it’s the ultimate millennial ‘trend’. I disagree. It’s not a trend, it’s a must. We are a much more eco-conscious generation, we like to re-use, make do and mend. And how do I make my damp-infested, over-priced rental home habitable? I make. Whether it’s embroidery hoops or acrylic on canvas, I love making things which might ordinarily cost a small fortune. But this is deemed a fad or a trend. Perhaps my bleached emo hair and black tutu days were a rebellious fad, but embroidery? Old home economic skills are becoming fashionable again. We grew up during a recession. We know how to make do.

Never mind the financial crash of the late 00s, we the millennial mob are responsible for the housing crisis. I know, right? We aren’t investing in things like generations before us did. And I’m not just talking property, we aren’t wise enough to invest in things like gold, diamonds, shares. We would prefer to fizzle away our cash on avocados and cold brew coffee.

Now, I understand the financial sense in saving every penny that I would use on premium veg, over-priced coffee and golden fruit from Primark. But in truth, I would rather have the joys of delicious food and drink, and live in a comforting, albeit rented home, than save and scrimp for a decade and miss out on my twenties. So is that why I’m entitled?

We are obsessed with social media.

I won’t argue with that. I check instagram daily, send happy birthday messages on Facebook and use snapchat to communicate with friends. Am I ‘obsessed’? I don’t think so, I get some of my news via social media, stay in touch with people, find classes and events, and occasionally post a photo of something that I think is worth sharing. I used to worry about people being obsessed with social media, and yes, it definitely has its downfalls. But there’s more to social media than selfies and emoji reactions. 

Millennials have invented a new form of entrepreneurism. Vloggers, bloggers and app creators. Take YouTube for example: It doesn’t matter if you think they’re talentless nobodies promoting capitalism with their vanity- they are self-made millionaires who work from home with their own rules. Good on ya.
This brings me to my final point…


Basic Bi*ches



A term which is broadly used to describe your average female millennial- no original ideas, under the illusion of being something on trend (Not to be confused with hipsters- That’s a whole other label in the millennial tapestry). Think pumpkin spice hand sanitiser, flat lay dinners and Unicorn lattes.

And don’t forget the golden pineapples.

So yes, I’ve recently bought a faux sheepskin rug to layer on another rug (Rug layering is all the rage apparently), and yes I just spent £3 on flowers from Tesco instead of saving for a deposit, but can we all just agree that this broad term of ‘millennial’ is overused and redundant? You can’t seriously compare a 17 year old to a 37 year old can you?

My life plan was to get married, buy a house and start a family. Most of our parents were able to buy houses for £20k at our age, so please don’t compare us to that. I’m not entitled, I’m annoyed. This won’t happen for me, and I’m ok with that. I’m comfortable knowing that these things will happen later in life for me, and that’s ok, because I love my job, and love working hard.

My generation: generation rent, Generation Y, will have to live with the decisions of older generations- we will have to clean up the mess of Brexit, Trump and the privatisation of national companies, to name but a few of the grand f*ck ups my generation didn’t ask for.

I may never own a house, but I’ve decided to own my titles. Millennials, Hipsters and Basic Bi*ches unite. Let’s not worry what others call us. I’ve decided I avocadon’t care.

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